Breaking the Pattern of Relationships with Narcissists and People With Personality Disorders | NLP Blog from Transform Destiny
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Breaking the Pattern of Relationships with Narcissists and People With Personality Disorders

Posted: Friday, July 31st, 2020 : Read 4,779 Times : 529 words (~3 minute read)

So many people say you cannot spot a narcissist or someone with a personality disorder until it's too late, but then they will tell you about the string of narcissists they have been in relationships with.

This is a clue.

While they may not consciously recognize the narcissist at the onset of the relationship the fact they keep "falling" into relationships with them is no accident.

I used to run this negative pattern in my own life with people who have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder. Similar to narcissism, but more toxic). There is definitely something subconscious going on, because "normal" people are not attracted to narcissists.

The Key is to Heal Yourself

As part of my journey of achieving healthy relationships, I had to stop pointing fingers at the other person in my relationships and do work on myself. This ultimately led to me finding the love of my life, my soul mate, Kayla.

After working to clear those things within myself, people with toxic personality types are not only not attractive to me, but those traits are repelling to me now. And, just as important, I am no longer attractive to them (yes, they are attracted to certain traits of people who are in need of healing).

Now, it's like I have a radar for them that instantly sets off alarm bells and I move away from them and toward healthy relationships.

What Was it That Made Me Want Them?

If you have been stuck in this kind of pattern then identifying the emotional benefit you are hoping to receive from the relationship is important.

I had a deep need to prove that I'm lovable. Subconsciously, if I could get a "Borderline" to love me, then that would mean I was really lovable.

This was ultimately an extension of me vicariously trying to heal my relationship with my mother (who had BPD), whom I didn't feel loved me the way I wanted and deserved to be loved.

Until I identified and healed that need, I was going to keep"falling" into the same pattern of relationships.

So how do we do the work?

There are many, many tools you can use from spiritual, to emotional, to mental, and physical. My personal preference is Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and particularly, TIME Techniques, which is a subset of NLP.

The good news is, you don't have to spend a fortune to hire an NLP Practitioner for a session, or attend an NLP certification training.

We have an affordable course that will teach you how to use NLP and TIME Techniques in your own life called, Create Your Life: The NLP Experience. You can choose to attend live in-person, or do the online home study from the comfort of your own home.

Here are the upcoming dates and locations for the live event:

  • Sep 18 - 20, 2026 in Philadelphia, PA, US
  • Sep 25 - 27, 2026 in Boston, MA, US
  • Oct 23 - 25, 2026 in Los Angeles, CA, US
  • Dec 11 - 13, 2026 in San Jose, CA, US
  • Mar 5 - 7, 2027 in Chicago, IL, US
  • Jun 11 - 13, 2027 in Los Angeles, CA, US
  • Sep 3 - 5, 2027 in Philadelphia, PA, US
  • Nov 12 - 14, 2027 in Chicago, IL, US
  • Dec 3 - 5, 2027 in Atlanta, GA, US

Read more about the live events

Please leave a comment below if this spoke to you or helped you in any way.

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ABOUT MICHAEL STEVENSON MNLP, MHT, MTT

Michael is a best-selling author, business coach, success coach, and international speaker with impressive credentials and experience.

He has helped nearly 200,000 people around the world learn to use the power of the mind to turn off the "autopilot," take hold of the controls, and create the life of their dreams.

Michael started Transform Destiny in the year 2000 with a deep passion for helping people transform their individual destinies, after transitioning from an unsatisfying field in computer programming.

Now, he heads Transform Destiny, the top NLP, hypnotherapy, and coaching training company in the world, and our trainers teach these valuable skills all over The United States of America, as well as other countries.

You can read more about Michael on his bio page.

More about Michael

  • Co-Star of the Documentary Movies

    • The Evolution of Success with Jack Canfield, Joe Vitale, Bob Doyle, and Others
    • A Year of Transformation
  • Accolades

    • Voted the second most influential person in the field of NLP in 2020 by the Global Gurus Organization
  • Author of the Books

    • Best-Selling Book: Unbreakable Spirit
    • Best-Selling Book: The Courage to Win
    • International Best Seller: Inner Revolution
    • International Best Seller: Mastery of the Mind
    • #1 Best-Selling Book: All the Answers Are Within
    • #1 Best-Selling Book: Becoming Positively Awesome
    • #1 Best-Selling Book Learn Hypnosis... Now!
    • Best-Selling Book: 33 Coaching Niches: The Definitive Guide to Selecting Your Perfect Niche
    • Best-Selling Book: Influence to Profit: Turning Words Into Wealth With Ethical Influence and Persuasion
    • UnStuck: The Owner's Manual for Success
    • The Power to Create Your Day... Now!
    • Quick Fix: NLP Recipes for Bliss
  • Credentials

    • Certified Master Trainer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming
    • Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)
    • Certified Master Trainer of TIME Techniques™
    • Certified Master Practitioner of TIME Techniques™
    • Certified Neuro-Linguistic Master Learning Specialist
    • Certified Neuro-Linguistic Learning Specialist Trainer
    • Certified Advanced Parts Therapy Specialist Certification
    • Certified Eye Movement Integration Practitioner
    • Certified Business Coach and Business Consultant
    • Certified Master Success Coach and Certified Trainer of Success Coaching
    • Certified Master Life Coach and Certified Trainer of Life Coaching
    • Certified Funnel Optimization Expert and Customer Value Optimization Expert
  • Board Certified Through

    • International Board of Coaches and Practitioners
    • International Association of Counselors and Therapists
    • International Medical and Dental Hypnotherapy Association
    • American Board of Neuro-Linguistic Learning
    • International Hypnosis Federation
    • National Guild of Hypnotists
    • International Alliance of Professional Hypnotists
    • International Hypnosis Association
    • The Transform Destiny NLP Practitioner Training Program was voted globally as the top NLP Certification training program out of literally thousands of programs around the world by the Global Gurus Organization.
    • The Transform Destiny Company is also certified as an approved training institute by the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners and the International Hypnosis Federation.
    • Our Learn Hypnosis... Live!, Learn Hypnosis... Now!, NLP Practitioner, and NLP Master Practitioner trainings are also approved by the International Hypnosis Association.

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