Breaking the Pattern of Relationships with Narcissists and People With Personality Disorders

So many people say you cannot spot a narcissist or someone with a personality disorder until it's too late, but then they will tell you about the string of narcissists they have been in relationships with.

This is a clue.

While they may not consciously recognize the narcissist at the onset of the relationship the fact they keep "falling" into relationships with them is no accident.

I used to run this negative pattern in my own life with people who have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder. Similar to narcissism, but more toxic). There is definitely something subconscious going on, because "normal" people are not attracted to narcissists.

The Key is to Heal Yourself

As part of my journey of achieving healthy relationships, I had to stop pointing fingers at the other person in my relationships and do work on myself. This ultimately led to me finding the love of my life, my soul mate, Kayla.

After working to clear those things within myself, people with toxic personality types are not only not attractive to me, but those traits are repelling to me now. And, just as important, I am no longer attractive to them (yes, they are attracted to certain traits of people who are in need of healing).

Now, it's like I have a radar for them that instantly sets off alarm bells and I move away from them and toward healthy relationships.

What Was it That Made Me Want Them?

If you have been stuck in this kind of pattern then identifying the emotional benefit you are hoping to receive from the relationship is important.

I had a deep need to prove that I'm lovable. Subconsciously, if I could get a "Borderline" to love me, then that would mean I was really lovable.

This was ultimately an extension of me vicariously trying to heal my relationship with my mother (who had BPD), whom I didn't feel loved me the way I wanted and deserved to be loved.

Until I identified and healed that need, I was going to keep"falling" into the same pattern of relationships.

So how do we do the work?

There are many, many tools you can use from spiritual, to emotional, to mental, and physical. My personal preference is Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and particularly, TIME Techniques, which is a subset of NLP.

The good news is, you don't have to spend a fortune to hire an NLP Practitioner for a session, or attend an NLP certification training.

We have an affordable course that will teach you how to use NLP and TIME Techniques in your own life called, Create Your Life: The NLP Experience. You can choose to attend live in-person, or do the online home study from the comfort of your own home.

Here are the upcoming dates and locations for the live event:

• Nov 14 - 16, 2025 in Chicago, IL, US
• Jan 23 - 25, 2026 in Austin, TX, US
• Feb 20 - 22, 2026 in Atlanta, GA, US
• Mar 27 - 29, 2026 in Los Angeles, CA, US
• Apr 10 - 12, 2026 in Chicago, IL, US
• Apr 24 - 26, 2026 in Philadelphia, PA, US
• Aug 21 - 23, 2026 in Atlanta, GA, US
• Sep 11 - 13, 2026 in Chicago, IL, US
• Sep 18 - 20, 2026 in Philadelphia, PA, US
• Oct 23 - 25, 2026 in Los Angeles, CA, US

Read more about the live events

Please leave a comment below if this spoke to you or helped you in any way.

Posted by Michael Stevenson in mental health, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, NLP, relationships, self-care on Breaking the Pattern of Relationships with Narcissists and People With Personality Disorders

Tags: borderline personality disorder, narcissist, personality disorders